15 ways to be happy when buying or selling a home…

Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your involvement in a real estate transaction a lot easier and much happier. Usually, everyone seems to hold on to things that cause a lot of  pain, stress and suffering. They do it in their everyday life and it carries over to their involvement in real estate transactions. It doesn’t have to be that way. Recently, I read a list of 15 things you should let go of in order to be happy. I have taken that thought and put a real estate spin on it.

1. GIVE UP YOUR NEED TO ALWAYS BE RIGHT

 If there is a difference of opinion regarding the price of a home, it is just that, a difference of opinion. In order for both parties to reach common ground, both parties have to accept that they do not have to be right.  Focusing on the “I am right” mind set may keep you from understanding the folks on the other side of the transaction. Remember, your goal is to reach a mutually agreed upon contract. That does necessitate your being right or wrong, it does require that you keep a non-judgmental mindset when listening to the other side. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather conclude a harmonious transaction?”JMac Says.  What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big? Is it worth looking back and wishing you had  been more open?  You may be listening, but you really need to make sure you hear! A fair compromise leaves everyone feeling good.

2. GIVE UP YOUR NEED FOR CONTROL

Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens in the transaction  – situations, events, people, etc. Whether it is your agent, the other agent, the party on the other side or anyone else that plays a role in the transaction – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to to move towards closing in their fashion. The contract will control the pace. Try to accept that others may move more quickly or slowly than you feel is necessary, but they are moving. You will be amazed at how much better that will make you feel.

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

3. GIVE UP ON BLAME

 Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life. Every home is not right for everyone, but there is a right home for everyone.

4. GIVE UP YOUR SELF DEFEATING TALK

 Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.  Before you say “no” to anything, step back and look at what is before you with an objective mind set.

“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle

5. GIVE UP YOUR LIMITING BELIEFS

Remove your self imposed restrictions about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly! There are many creative ways to reach compromise.

“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle

6. GIVE UP COMPLAINING

 Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, many things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking. Wallowing in negative thoughts will prevent you from rising above apparent setbacks.  Focus on a successful conclusion to the transaction and don’t allow those bumps in the road to knock you off course.

7. GIVE UP THE LUXURY OF CRITICISM

Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all. Everyone in the transaction is coming from a different place, a different life experience and often a different set of needs. Setting aside the need to criticize will allow you to enjoy the process.

8. GIVE UP YOUR NEED TO IMPRESS OTHERS

Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly. Remember, an honest open negotiation is only possible when both sides drop all pretenses. You can only control your side of things. If you present yourself if a fashion that is not accurate, any failure will not be understood. Rather than go forward wondering if the real you could have been successful, present the real you and remove all doubt.

9. GIVE UP YOUR RESISTANCE TO CHANGE

 Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it. The willingness to accept change will allow you to “roll with the punches” that may occur as the transaction moves toward closure. Holding fast to an issue or belief that stands between you and closing, only limits the amount of time left to complete the transaction once you have accepted that change is necessary.


“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” 
Joseph Campbell

10. GIVE UP LABELS

 Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. In real estate, there are all kinds of buyers, sellers and agents.  Somehow, homes continue to be sold. Everyone is not the same and the beauty of the difference is revealed in the acceptance that occurs and the compromises that are reached.

“The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer

11. GIVE UP ON YOUR FEARS

Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place. This truly is easier said than done regarding real estate transactions.  Whether it is your first or one of many, the unknown creeps into your mind.  It is a highly emotional time.  Agents are sensitive to this and most of them work very hard at answering questions.  Make sure you ask. Knowledge will overcome fear and you will find peaceful sleep.


“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.”
 Franklin D. Roosevelt

12. GIVE UP YOUR EXCUSES

Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real. You can sell the home. You can buy a home.  Remember, excuses are borne from generalities and misconceptions that you accept as reality. Facts trump excuses. Make a list of yours. Evaluate them in the light of day and then move on to reach your goals.

13. GIVE UP THE PAST

It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now. The real estate market is not the same today. It has always fluctuated. For every neighborhood that has lost value, there is another that is gaining. You are not selling yesterday’s value, you are not selling tomorrow’s value. You are selling today’s value. Buyers are not purchasing yesterday’s values or tomorrow’s values; buyers are buying today’s values.

14. GIVE UP ATTACHMENT

This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another,  attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.  Do not attempt to add memories of days passed to the home you sell today.

15. GIVE UP LIVING YOUR LIFE TO OTHER PEOPLE’S EXPECTATIONS

Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves.  You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path. Your agent has to listen to you and hear what you are saying. Do not allow anyone to persuade or dissuade you from moving towards your goals.  Stay rooted in reality and the possible. It is your home to buy or sell.

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